#12 [entries|friends|calendar] 1_twelfth [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

Whistles, Bells and Sighs. [10 Jun 2008|06:20pm] Okay, so after almost a month away from this 'blog' (i honestly detest that word) nobody took the previous entry to mean that I've moved to http://hellogoodbyehello.wordpress.com, though the entire entry was littered with links to the site. Anyhow, this probably reflects my current state of being - between two phases of life. In the same way I've told practically everyone that I'm leaving in August, not many have come to realise that I'm leaving or going. Don't worry, neither have I. I write this with much 'inspiration' from my cousin's own ennui. I think most of us feel the same way but there is nothing to be done about it. There isn't much sympathy or empathy from the adults, who like to say "well get up off your ass and do something!" I wonder why there was that rift between children and adults. I foolishly thought that one would remember what it was like to be a child. I hope I'll never forget the happiest time of my life. Well, in about 2 months the time for university to begin will arrive. Time to pack your bags and go. Time to grow up, perhaps? I have no idea. I'm pushing 19 and a half, without a clue if I'm supposed to be an adult or a teenager. I have no clue why I'm writing this either. { 1 commented!\ comment?}

Hello! Goodbye! [16 May 2008|03:22pm] I say high, you say low You say why, and I say I don't know Oh, no You say goodbye and I say hello Hello, hello I don't know why you say goodbye I say hello Hello, hello I don't know why you say goodbye I say hello { 1 commented!\ comment?}

More Than Lucky [14 May 2008|12:34am] Do you hear me, I'm talking to you Across the water across the deep blue ocean Under the open sky, oh my, baby I'm trying Boy I hear you in my dreams I feel your whisper across the sea I keep you with me in my heart You make it easier when life gets hard I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend Lucky to have been where I have been Lucky to be coming home again Ooohh ooooh oooh oooh ooh ooh ooh ooh They don't know how long it takes Waiting for a love like this Every time we say goodbye I wish we had one more kiss I'll wait for you I promise you, I will I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend Lucky to have been where I have been Lucky to be coming home again Lucky we're in love every way Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed Lucky to be coming home someday And so I'm sailing through the sea To an island where we'll meet You'll hear the music fill the air I'll put a flower in your hair though the breezes through trees Move so pretty you're all I see As the world keeps spinning round You hold me right here right now I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend Lucky to have been where I have been Its more than luck really. Yes I'm gonna be across a sea, but I'll meet you on this island once again. {comment?}

Love Us Still [20 Apr 2008|11:58pm] Early let us seek Thy favour Early let us do Thy will Blessed Lord and only Saviour With Thy love our bosoms fill Blessed Jesus, blessed Jesus Thou hast loved us, love us still Blessed Jesus, blessed Jesus Thou hast loved us, love us still { 2 commented!\ comment?}

Slowly now.. [07 Apr 2008|11:18pm] it hasn't been made into a big deal yet that i'll be leaving soon, though most preparations and long-term plans are all made towards that point. although to me it doesn't seem like i'm leaving, but certain things sadden my heart terribly. Too many to say. Week in and week out, i'm only more convinced that I might as well already be gone - almost completely isolated from any friends (doesn't help that some are locked in camps for most of the week and that i'm not one of the 'guys'), my presence doesn't make a difference/indifferent to my presence/emotionally absent or physically absent from those i wish to be with/be there for... i already can tell what's going to happen and i know i'm powerless to stop it. I see it each week, more and more - i'm slipping away, slowly disappearing from your lives. i've come to accept that it isn't a bad thing, my life and everything is not about me. I no longer life, but Christ lives in me... still holding onto my importance and worth in the eyes of others, i'm learning to let go. there are many things i go through (week in and out) like bible study and work, each is a lesson in learning to lose and die to myself, to let Christ live in me. (Yes, i do realise I'm spelling it out radically. I've not gone bonkers.) I can't make you interested in my life and I can't make things The Way They Used To Be (like going through another course of IB is not a good idea!) The point isn't to make you Sad That I Am Leaving, because I know you're not. (you refering to general readers who may or maynot be acquaintances) the reactions i've collected are a string of awws. that's it, some interesting comments about my relationship but mostly the "aww that's so far away"s. its interesting that none have asked me how i feel about leaving. it is assumed that i can't wait to dump my home and loved ones to move across the globe to study, hence i must  have no feelings.  the harsh reality of being there completely on my own, knowing nobody (pls dont give me that crap about technology - the more i use it, the more i distrust it) frightens me. I already forsee many desperate moments crying alone and praying. but hey, haven't i already done that quite a few times in my life? so i might as well be gone and that's probably not necessarily a bad thing. anyway, this is me.. slowly leaving. Don't worry, you won't notice it. { 5 commented!\ comment?}

navigation [ viewing | most recent entries ] [ go | earlier ]